The Blog of allaroundme

 You know they take the pain away...

But yet they fuck with your brain to the point of insanity...

how can you stop it before it's all to late?

You lose friends, family, people that you didn't want to lose at all..

Because of the stupid little things in life...

My brain is all just a bunch of mush....

Who cares..

But when everyone single one of my friends do care...

But what if I don't care?/ 

Wait no that's insanity. I do care..

What the fuck is wrong with me..

I hate that I think this way...

I can't go back to that monster..

I'm better then that..

I don't know... I'm sad..

I miss my mom.

I don't want my mom to be gone. 

I know I said I hate her..

But I really do love her..

I miss her so much. 

I hate that she is gone..

I don't want to go back to the old me I like the new me.. 

I don't know what to do... 

I'm stupid and I'm young. I'm a moron..

I need help, I need sleep, fuck I need to eat to.. Great I wonder what this lead me to the last time I did this.

Ugh.. Don't want to think about that.

Fuck I'm here where it all started sitting at the same spot my dad hit me because my sister was crying..

The memories are everywhere. I can't take it. It's just way to much to the point of insanity. or maybe I already am insane.. I don't know..

 *ANYONE ANYWHERE ANYTIME ANY COUNTRY ANY CITY ANY MAN AND WOMAN EVERYONE EVERYWHERE CAN WRITE LOVE ON THEIR ARMS, TAKE 5 SECOND TO WRITE IT THATS IT, DONE!**


On November 13 write LOVE on your arm in big letters. Be creative spread the word. This is for all the survivors and all the innocent. All of the people who are hurting and who think that suicide is the only way they can turn. Also, don't forget to donate so all of the kids in need can get the help that they deserve.

As someone who suffers from depression and has struggled with suicidal thoughts, i think this is an absolutely wonderful idea. I would do it once a month if it meant raising awareness on the dangers and how severe this disease really is. Depression and suicide have an impact on everyones life, whether it's through having depression, or knowing someone who suffers from the disease or knowing someone who has committed suicide. It's such a simple thing to do. If you can dress up for spirit week at your school, i think you can take the time to write LOVE on your arm. Its time to stand up and get the word out. Maybe someday there will be a cure for this, instead of just a treatment that could potentially make it worse. It takes just thirty seconds to write four letters. I challenge you to stand up and speak out!
I think some people are confused about what this is. All you have to do is literally write LOVE on your arm to show support. Maybe even donate money or time at your local suicide hotline. When someone asks... 'Why is that on your arm?' You can spread the word about depression and suicide. For some reason in our society, depression and suicide are still taboo topics that a lot of people want to keep quiet. But i think that everyone needs to start talking about it. Help is out there, and by keeping quiet we're only hurting the people who need the help. So speak up, and speak out

www.TWLOHA.com
Check out the Site. and see the story that started it all.

Kelsey’s Purpose

/>MAKE SURE YOU WATCH THE VIDEO AT THE END








Cause some dont get that chance...........







SORRY MOMMY & DADDY.
I didn't mean to spill my milk at dinner last night.



SORRY MOMMY & DADDY.
I didn't mean to play with my dolls that long.



SORRY MOMMY & DADDY.
I didn't mean to be a mistake.. why can't I eat?




SORRY MOMMY & DADDY.
i didn't mean to pee in my pants yesterday.



SORRY MOMMY & DADDY.
I didn't mean to cry when my bath water was too hot.






SORRY MOMMY & DADDY.
I love you! Why don't you love me back? Why is everything I do wrong?


1,504,000 CHILDREN GET ABUSED BY THEIR GUARDIANS. IT'S NOT RIGHT. THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SUFFER. 

If your a Gaurdian that hits and punish your child for no reason. 

Your teaching them to.......

 

This is probably the most soothing video and song ever.. Almost falling asleep just listening to this damn song. lol But I still love it. :D

 I miss my little girl.. I miss my little sister so much... Er.. I hate this.. I hate this fucking sickness I have.. Why hasn't it killed me yet.. God damn I miss my little sister so much.. My mom has been nagging at me asking if I'm going to that fucking funeral.. I don't want to go.. I don't know if I have the heart to tell her I can't.. I can hardly type as it is.. This has gotten me so weak... I hate this so much.. I miss my baby sister. I miss Scott, I miss Huston, I miss Melissa, I miss Robin, God I miss all of my friends. And I don't even know why.. I miss everyone. I even miss my dad.. :( I don't know what's wrong with me..

 [X] You have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[] You have your own room.
[X] You own a cell phone.
[X] You have an mp3 player/iPod/walkman.
[] Your parents are still married.
[] You love your family.
[] There is a pool/spa in your backyard or house.
T 0 T A L: 3

[X] You dress the way you want to.
[X] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[X] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[X] Your room is big enough for you
[] People don't use you
[X] You have been to the movies.
T 0 T A L: 5

[] You get allowance/loan/job.
[] you collect something normal
[X] You look forward to going to college
[] You don't wish you were someone else.
[X]You play(ed) a sport.
[] You play(ed) an instrument
T 0 T A L: 2

[] You usually don't fight with your parent(s).
[] You are usually happy with your appearance
[] You have never got a failing grade on a report card in your life
[x] You have friends
T 0 T A L: 1

[x] You know what is going on in the world.
[]You are happy with your life right now
[] You usually aren't sick.
[] You know more than one language
[x] You have a screen name.
[x] You own a pet.
[x] You know the words to more than 5 songs.
[] You don't have any enemies
T 0 T A L: 4

Total over all: 
multiply it by 3

90-100%: A
80-89%: B
70-79%: C
60-69%: D
00-59%: F
repost saying "I Got __ In Life

 Here is something I found on the web... Well Facebook to be more clear..

If the whole world could vote for the up coming election this is how it would turn out...

Your vote has been cast. Thank you.

Total number of votes: 23693
Countries voted from: 114

http://boboleechronicles.wordpress.com/2008/09/05/what-if-the-world-could-vote/

this is the link.. Click on if the world could vote link right in the middle of the page to vote and see more. :) I did..

 I'm feeling like this is all my fault... That I shouldn't of answered that fucking door... I should of just ignored it... But if I would of ignored it would it of been worse.... Or just the same... The little kids and myself... Had to talk to attorneys yesterday... For some reason... I couldn't talk to them... It was say to much for me... Those little kids just started bawling and couldn't even talk to the attorneys... I felt so bad... but when it came to my turn... i just left... I just couldn't talk to those people about what happened that must of been how those little kids must of felt... It's so horrible that a man could do this to anyone... I feel so bad for those little kids... I can't imagine how they must feel... Probably worse then me... I don't know... I feel pretty crappy and worthless right now myself... The trial is on Tuesday... At 9 a.m..... I'm so scared to even go.... I actually slept for once... Since this has all happened... Yea maybe it was only for an hour...(kept having a dream) but I slept... for once... I need sleep but I can't sleep I just can't do it at all.... Ugh I feel so miserable....  I feel like such a different person... I just want someone here with me... I need someone but I know that no one will come... And I have to face that fact that no one will walk threw that door and ask to see me.... 

 It's hard to live, when you try to live in a dream.

Because reality is just to much to face.

When the world around you just will not accept you.

Because of your income, last name, past or race.

It's a struggle to survive, when you don't have a thing.

When your different because you don't fit in.

But your the same as everyone else because you can't stand out it's like a path.

You fallow, no one has ever been on this path.

It's hard to live when you have to pretend that everything is okay, that your in a perfect place it really hurts when your tired of banging your head. 

But when you look up.

The just all spit in your face.

No one should have to grow up.

Believing that they're not good enough to even have friends.

But it's only because that's the impression that everyone around them send..

So how can you expect someone to learn how to live when they're whole life, they've only been shown hate you can never have faith in yourself when you thing you second rate.

These people haven't even had a real childhood.

They know they're nobody when no one really cares.

If they're happy or shedding tear.

It's hard to live when you go to sleep just so no one will see you cry, and you pray to god that you won't wake up because your hurting so bad inside your only relief would be to die..

 I have been trying to keep this in the back of my mind... for the past week and a half.. But it really hasn't worked... I've been trying to write stories and at least try to talk to people but I just can't even do that.. As you all know my niece passed away... I haven't really been doing so good at all.. I haven't ate or slept in so long... I don't even think my body can even take that to much more of not eating or sleeping... I've been trying so hard to just forget last week but I can't... It was last week I do believe it was Wednesday... It was around midnight... I was just walking around.. I really shouldn't of been walking around... Since I live in a bad part of a town.. I was an idiot from the beginning.. I was just walking minding my own business.. I walked by a house and a guy was sitting on the porch just sitting there doing nothing.. And he yelled for me... I turned around and he was up to his fence.. He looked like he was in his early 20's... I didn't think anything of it.. He asked me what I was doing... I told him I was walking... And I started walking again.. He told me to stop and come back and talk.. I could tell he was drunk.. I just ignored him.. and just kept walking... He kept yelling for me and telling me to come back.. I just kept walking.. I put my headphones on and started walking home... I shouldn't of walked home.  I should of went somewhere else... Anywhere other then my house.. The guy fallowed me home and I didn't even know... I went into my house.. And about 5 Min's earlier I heard a knock on the door.. I didn't think anything of it.. I thought it might of been my landlord but it was at one in the morning...  I shouldn't of opened that door... I should of called the police but I didn't... I was an idiot... He just walked right on into my apartment.. I asked him to leave and I asked him nicely I wasn't rude or anything.. he just looked at me.. he asked me why I didn't stop to talk to him... I didn't say a single word to him... His hands started forming into fist and I could tell he was pissed... I told him to leave and I opened my door for him to he grab hold of the door and slam it shut.. I just looked at him.. He turned around and grab me by the shoulders and started shaking me and he didn't stop... I started yelling at him to stop it... He didn't listen to me at all.... I knew he wasn't going to listen to me... He hit me in the face and my nose started gushing blood... He threw me into my room and came right in... And closed the door... I just started crying I didn't know what else to do... I got up though.. I did fight him back.. I kicked him I hit him.. I tried my hardest to keep him away from me.. But it didn't work... He was way to strong even though he was drunk.. I had silent tears coming down.. It felt like everything was all happening again when I was 13... Right before he raped me.... I hit him in the face and I made his nose bleed... I didn't do anything to stop him because I knew he was going to do even worse things to me then what I could do to him... He finished and said sorry... He said sorry and left... I didn't say a single word the fucking man... I just sat there and cried all night didn't do a single thing... Just sat there and cried... I wanted to die.. But I didn't even want to move... I did finally move and I went to the bathroom there was so much blood all over my face and I knew it wasn't only from me... It was from him to... I took a shower and washed everything away... I didn't tell the police because I didn't want to live threw the pain I went threw when I was 13.. I didn't want to live threw that again... But I did... this time alone and with no one not even my mom... At least she gave a damn when I was raped when I was 13... I can't even look at myself in the mirror... I closed my bedroom door.. Haven't been in there for a week.. I can't go in there it will bring everything back.. I can't even go out of my house because I'm to scared of that man... I can't do anything... I've been calling my instructors at school to see what my projects are... I'm just to scared to do anything... 

I love this song it makes me so relaxed if you get frazzled at all today listen to this song.. this isn't for only her it's for everyone. :)

I haven't felt like this in such a long time... Just like when my little sister died.... I feel nothing, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to eat I haven't ate anything in two days... I don't want to sleep, haven't slept at all, Fuck I don't even want to be around my sister-n-law. But I am she needs me right now.... But as soon as my parents get here I'm gone... I don't want to be around them at all... I can't be around my parents... I didn't get to see my niece before she passed away..... I have cried and cried and the pain won't go away.... I want it all to go away but I don't think it will... I probably won't be around the computer for a couple of weeks... Sorry everyone...

Nah just thinking of my niece right now is killing me... They say she isn't going to make it past tonight.................. I don't want her to go she can't go... She is all we have left of my older brother... I know that little girl is strong... I just hope she is strong enough to pull threw this... I really do...